uncontrollable crying

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I have ever cried and cried and cannot explain why.

I don't mean the crying from a lost one or from a breakup or whan a child is born or when somebody gets married.

I mean right out of the blue you are so down and you start crying and crying for no known reason.you wish it would go away but you seem to go deeper deeper down in the dumps.

people ask you where does it hurt or what is wrong? how do u explain it when you don't even know yourself.I end up hiding in my room for no one understands and when they see it it makes them upset or some will say you are trying to get attention. that is the one thing i get tire of hearing is he is trying to get attention. if i wanted attention i would run down the middle of the street yelling and no clothes on. but you have to hide in your room so no one knows but you.for its not anyones fault or no blame to anyone.it happens and it sucks to high heaven.

you want the pain in your heart to go away,you want the depression that is bringing it on to go away. you would do about anything to get rid of the crying.yes even it means ending your life-I have problem with ending my life i made a promised not to do again and i will stick to my promise come hell or high water.so where does that put me-i reckon in limbo not living but not dying.you are just there and glad another day has ended and dread when morning comes.and it starts all over again. somedays i have a good morning or a good afternoon-but it seems it is always evening time when i am at my worse. one day just one day is all i ask that i can have a wonderful day and nothing to bring me down.

just one day is all i ask.

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'Daddy ... it hurts'

My name is Chris,
I am three,
My eyes are swollen.
I cannot see.

I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made,
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy,
Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong,
I can't speak at all,
Or else I'm locked up,
All day long.

When I'm awake,
I'm all alone,
The house is dark,
My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come home,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get,
One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car,
My daddy is back,
From Charlie's bar

I hear him curse,
My name is called,
I press myself,
Against the wall.

I try to hide,
From his evil eyes,
I'm so afraid now,
I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping,
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault,
He suffers at work.



He slaps and hits me,
And yells at me more,
I finally get free,
And run to the door.

He's already locked it,
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me,
Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor,
With my bones nearly broken,
And my dad continues,
With more bad words spoken.

'I'm sorry!', I scream,
But it's now much to late,
His face has been twisted,
Into a unimaginable sh ape.

The hurt and the pain,
Again and again,
O please God, have mercy!
O please let it end!

And he finally stops,
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless,
Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Chris,
I am three,
Tonight my daddy,
Murdered me.

written by unknown

child abuse hurts everyone help a child today.

depression and doctor and HMO.

Image by dreamsjung via Flickr

This is my complaint for the day.if you are not a 100% disabled vet like myself and you are paying for mental health and seeking help help i commend you.

but i also understand why so many people don't.
Alot of insurances don't cover it or if they do its not much.

I know someone who has 2 insurances and it will pay for surgery or any other care without a copay. the problem even with theses 2 insurances in order to see an psychiatrist or a Psychologist this person has to come up with over $200.00usd before even being seen.that is the copay they have to pay.

now tell me what is wrong with this picture and explain to me why having 2 insurances will not pay more or even the whole thing.

they will tell you if you have 2 insurance policies you should never be charged with any kind health care ie surgery,broken bones, yearly physical,mammograms,prostrate exam,cancer,heart surgery to name a few expensive treatments.

my point is your insurances covers pretty much everything and when you have 2 you suppose not have to pay anything.(now i know some people might disagree with me and might have 2 insurance and still have to pay something
and i don't doubt it,i am mainly talking about myself and the few people i know that this refers to.)

I can't speak for all insurances for there is many and i have no knowledge of them.nor will i mention the above companies for maybe its not all cases that it affects.

I can only speak about the few cases i do know about now with that being said this is not a knock on all insurance companies.

back to my story-how can someone with mental illness get help when one they can't afford it or maybe if it has kept them from working there is a big chance they can't even afford it.

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if you are not in this situation i would call your HMO or your insurances and see what they do carry and how much the copay so you will not be in for a surprise.even if today you are not suffering from any mental condition,how about your kids or your spouse. make sure they are covered just incase.

I don't wish this on anyone child or adult,it could happen and maybe it will never happen.